Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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