but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
