Come see our sink grown plant.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
