That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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