So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
