When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize