closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
