I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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