filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
