My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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