apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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