You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
