This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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