Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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