Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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