Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
