Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
