How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
