I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
