Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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