they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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