Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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