She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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