He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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