Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
