I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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