I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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