I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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