he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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