i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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