I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
