So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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