I love black thongs
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
