At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
