Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
