my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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