That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
