dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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