Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
