FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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