last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
