she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
