You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
