my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
