he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
