Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
