Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
