At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
