I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
