hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
