Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
