Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
