I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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