Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
