Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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