I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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