I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
