I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
