call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize