he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
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I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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