I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
