Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
