i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
