I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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