Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
