Swine flu is the new snow day.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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