someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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