I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
