You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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