hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
