I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
