i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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