you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
