I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
