I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
