i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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