well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
