Kareoke will never be a sober sport
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
