I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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