When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
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Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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