Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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