Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
