I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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