She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize