Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
