peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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