12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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